god damn it, my cool
the company is almost broke
you employees are a drain on resources
none of you employees work as hard as we pay you to work
according to the latest market analysis
our competitors have dramatically cut their labor costs by rightsizing, externally sourcing, and having cost certainty
this is what the company needs to do to survive
what we need you as employees to do is give the company, which has given you a job, some concessions
my cool
you do not deserve to make as much money as you do for what you do
you are just standing in the place
of a machine who can work better than you
or someone who will work harder than you
thank about that, you bozo.
according to mister kielbasa,
if you just worked harder
or had any pride whatsoever
the company would be in a better financial position.
you must know that we, as management, have done
everything
that we can possibly do
to keep the company, the company that hires you, afloat.
now, if only you, as employees, could do your part to help us help you, and the company.
tell you right now,
you are stupid if you have a job here
we treat you like slaves,
my cool.br />
i mean i have no respect for you because i control all of your actions
for as long as you are here,
god damn it.
look at how much money the other parts of the company cost to keep running.
do you think the espresso machine in the manager's lounge is cheap?
hell no.
do you think that the shareholders will settle for anything other than flying to the company meeting in first class?
hell no.
do you think that the three story tall water fountain in the lobby was cheap?
hell no.
do you think having our interests heard in washington is cheap?
hell no.
or do you even think at all,
my cool?
hell no.
and maybe we could afford it if you employees just worked harder.
if any of you lazy assholes actually earned the money that you are paid to do your job.
as it says in proverbs 12:24,
work hard and become a leader
be lazy and never succeed.
if you are not a leader in this company,
you are expendable.
there are any number of people that are
willing
to do all the work that you do here as an employee.
there are only a few managers,
like mister kielbasa and myself,
with the acumen and intelligence
to keep this company, the company which has given you a job, afloat.
that is why we are getting retention bonuses.
you employees do not even care about the quality of work that you do.
tell you right now,
you are a bunch of god damn pussies.
god damn it.
have some god damn pride and make a quality product
like your counterparts in china.
tell you right now,
in management
we take pride
and we are very good,
very intelligent.
you workers are a bunch of worthless fucks.
i resent every one of you worthless fucks.
the only reason you stay with us is because no one else will hire you to do anything.
no one else hires you because you should not have been born.
we are worth the money they pay us.
that is why i am getting a retention bonus.
according to your employee handbook
that was handed to you at your orientation
our priority is in pleasing the shareholders.
as management, we take this commitment very seriously.
and this is why they take us so seriously.
they can not replace us.
we are special.
i went to college.
i deserve each and every cent of my retention bonus.
in order to pay for our retention bonuses.
we need you, the employees of our company.
to actually work for a change.
or accept a slight reduction in your benefits and agree to wage freezes.
my cool,
i am going to help turn the company i have been at since i was fifteen,
tell you right now,
but they are going to have to pay me supreme money power to keep me around employees like you.
and i was able to negotiate that price with my buddies up here in management.
we know to protect our own
god damn it.
my cool.
i agree with mister kielbasa,
the employees here at this company are supposed to be our greatest asset,
but i hate them.
from the bottom of my heart
i really hate them.
my textbooks said that all subordinates should at least respect the opportunity to be at the company
and i just got out of graduate school.
i have proven to my teachers that i am worth the retention bonus that the company has given me.
why are the workers too stupid to figure this out?
i am very good.
very intelligent!
at least we have one thing in common, carol.
what is that?
supreme money power.
yes, but only because of our retention bonuses.
the company has only just begun to pay me my worth.
tell you right now,
they will never pay you enough
the owner is a prima donna;
he is so full of himself.
he really is.
did you see how big a retention bonus he gave himself?
yes.
it is completely unfair.
god damn it.
isn't supreme money power enough, my cool?
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