Tell you right now,
Tell you right now, my cool
I know how to have sex
I mean, my cool, I know how to fuck
God damn it
Look at my penis
Be awed by its size
My penis is as big as a loaf of bread
My penis is as hard as a crossword puzzle
You can even ask the boys at Krakuzy, my cool
They wanted to use my penis as a pole for horseshoes
Why?
Because they are a bunch of god damn fags at Krakuzy
Tell you right now,
Every woman I have ever convinced to have sex with me
Liked having sex with me
I would ask them again
I would tell them to give me a second opinion
They always give me a second opinion
They all say, "Old Man Kielbasa, I love having sex with you "
"Your penis is as big as a loaf of bread and as hard as a crossword puzzle, god damn it "
Every one of them loved having sex with me, my cool
Tell you right now,
I was too busy fucking to pay much attention while in high school
The schoolgirls grades all suffered because they were all looking at my penis
God damn it
Every last one of them
My penis was so hard all of the time when I was young
My penis is that distracting
Look at my penis, god damn it
My penis is a thing of beauty
I would conservatively estimate that it is as big as a loaf of bread and as hard as a crossword puzzle
The guys at Krakuzy wanted to use my penis as a pole for horseshoes, my cool
I told them all that they were a bunch of fags
Do you know what I called them, my cool?
I called them fags
Do you hear me?
I'm not a fag, my cool
If you want to use my penis as a pole for horseshoes you are a fag
I need my penis to have sex
With women
If you are a woman, I will tell you that you can use my penis as a pole for horseshoes
Before I calmly, and with your consent, have sex with you
With my penis that is as big as a loaf of bread and as hard as a crossword puzzle
I only have concensual sex, my cool
I will not have sex without consent
Think about it like this
If you are a woman
And if you give me consent
I will have sex with you
Because I am a man, my cool
God damn it
Tell you right now,
Do you want to know how I have so much money, my cool?
Do you want to know how I got ahead in life my cool?
Do you?
Let me tell you
It is all because of my penis
I made sure as sure as I joined the company to stick my penis into each and every female customer that I could
I needed to show everyone how much of a man that I am
I'm a man, my cool
God damn it
You have to prove your manhood to every one you interact with or they won't respect you, my cool
Tell you right now,
I mean, you have to let everyone know that you are a man by letting the women play with your penis
Especially if you are blessed with a bread loaf sized penis like I am, my cool
My penis also gets as hard as a crossword puzzle
So do you see those trophies on the wall, my cool?
Do you know how I got them?
Customer service
God damn it, my cool
I am a man
Look at all my trophies
It is impossible to get the biggest penis trophy if you do not have a penis, my cool
I considered telling the trophy company to make a cast of my penis for the trophy
Then I relaized that women would use the trophy as a dil Dough
Tell you right now,
I can not have that
My penis is the only reason that I am good at my job
Look at my penis
It is so big
I would venture that if you compared a loaf of bread to my penis, they would be equal
Then look at all of those trophies on the wall in the office, my cool
Really, my cool, I would see if the customer was a female
If so, I would go over and ask her, with her consent, if I could have sex with her
All the while my penis becomes as full of blood as a crossword puzzle is hard
Works every time
That is how I got so many trophies on the wall for customer service
My cool,
I really fucked some of those customers hard
Like a god damn crossword puzzle
I was young
I could go on eight million service calls a day
I was a god damn star, my cool
Customer satisfaction was through the roof
I then realized that I was not living up to my potential
Tell you right now,
So I started having sex with my co-workers
With my penis as big as a loaf of bread, my cool
God damn it
And word started getting up to management
All the females in management
They all wanted to have sex with me
My co-workers told management that my penis is as big as a loaf of bread and gets as hard as a crossword puzzle
Some of their husbands who hang out at Krakuzy even suggested that they should use my penis as a pole for horseshoes
And I wanted to have sex with my female bosses
I wanted to make
Tell you right now,
I am a man
I want to have sex
I want to achieve supreme money power, god damn it
I am a man
And I let everyone know it
With my penis
I am such a man that I even let the women who sleep with me watch female figure skating
But not the male figure skating
I'm not a fag, my cool
If I were a fag I would let the Krakuzy boys use my penis as a pole for horseshoes
Tell you right now,
I have had sex with every manager in the company
I am second in command because of my penis
Although the company is bigger than the size of my penis
A loaf of bread is not
Although my job is harder than a crossword puzzle
My penis is not
Tell you right now,
I have had sex with nearly everyone in the company
I have had sex with most of the customers
I have sex with as many of the new hires as I can
I make a very large salary
Essentially for being a prostitute
I can't help it, my cool
If my penis were not as big as a loaf of bread or as hard as a crossword puzzle
I might be flipping hamburgers
I might be homeless
The only currency I have in the marketplace is my penis, my cool
But my penis moves are like a guided missile for vagina
My penis is responsible for my supreme money power
Tell you right now,
If I did not have my wonderful penis
And consent of every woman that I sleep with
There have been a lot of them, god damn it
I would not be where I am today
God damn it, my cool, are you listening to me
I am talking about how great my penis is
Every woman who has felt my penis in her who is in management knows that I really
have no idea about how the company really works
They all know that the only good thing I offer to the company is really hot sex
Tell you right now,
My penis is as large as a crossword puzzle and as hard as a loaf of bread
I am only in this position because I have had sex with everyone
And they loved it
They would say
"Deeper, Deeper, Old Man Kielbasa!
Deeper!
Let me feel your penis in me!"
Like a leg of lamb on Friday at Dubex
And I should be the owner of this god-damn company, my cool
I really should, God damn it
But the owner is a prima donna
and a man
I am not a fag, my cool
If I were, I would let the boys at Krakuzy use my penis as a pole for horseshoes
I am not a fag, my cool
It looks like am always going to be stuck at second in command
Even though my penis is as big as a loaf of bread
As hard as a crossword puzzle
I am a man
So the only thing that got me to my position in management
My penis
Is keeping me from owning the company
God damn it
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